That Explains a Lot

I guess giving myself a topic didn't solve the issue of my posting infrequency. I did however have an epiphany! My blog is not about blogging, I just write so much about blogging because I have confidence issues. And to think, I didn't even need to pay a therapist! Okay so my confidence issues are still unsolved, but now I know that they're the root of all of my problems. It explains why it bothers me that noone reads me, and why it would bother me if they did. I don't see anything in the way of a solution, I'll just have to chew on that one for a while though.

The things I think about when I should be sleeping... The easy answers are the normal fears one might have when their most valuable and vulnerable things are not in their immediate viscinity, fire, break-ins, bad people etc. My brain has on more than one occasion taken these scenarios one step further. When I was pregnant with my son, I lay awake one night going over and over, and over what I would do to get myself and my daughter out of our van after driving off a bridge into the icy waters below. And if you want to know the truth, in the "fantasy" scenario it wasn't just any bridge, it was the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge. The chances of me ever driving ACROSS the GGB ate slim to none, let alone driving OFF of it, so I don't know where this was all coming from. I can tell you though that I had a very good escape plan. It would only work, unfortunately, if the power windows still worked and the back door opens from the inside. Hopefully we never have to test that one.

I read a blog once that talked about how mommy blogs talk about losing their minds, and this blogger felt that if you were going crazy, you wouldn't know it. Well, I can say, besides spending hours planning an escape from a watery death, I have had many, many unstable thoughts/episodes. They always happen when I've had one or more nights with little or no sleep. It's like sane me is trapped inside my brain somewhere without any control, looking on in horror as my head spins around and pea soup spews from my mouth. Pea soup is of course a euphamism for the insanity du jour, usually screaming at my daughter or husband. Anyway, I'm not crazy right now, but I've been there and it's pretty easy to find the way back. I'm off to sleep now, hopefully...