Mars/Venus

The differences between men and women are becoming more and more clear to me in the last year or so. Maybe it's because I now have a son after having a daughter, but I don't think that's it. I notice things like how a man makes a sandwich on the counter and doesn't use a plate so as to save the washing of the dish, but leaves crumbs and possibly slops of mayonnaise or mustard on the counter. Then when you ask him to please use a plate, he can't see the logic. I used to call it "crumb blindness," as I thought he just couldn't see the mess on the counter, but now I'm realizing that it goes way beyond just crumbs. It stretches out to encompass everything that he's not tripping on, or having to move out of his way. Because of this, from now on I will only invite men over for gatherings. It means less (no?) cleaning.

There is also the matter of venting. Recently I read a blog post about a woman who said she needed to have her girlfriends no matter how close she was with her husband since when she vented to him, he always wanted to find a solution, rather than just listening and being sympathetic. I thought, "Wow! Alan is the exact same way!" I couldn't believe it. In the short time since I read that, I have heard at least two other women express the same sentiment. It's kind of like when you name your child, all of a sudden you notice that name everywhere. Was it always there and you just didn't notice? Yes.

Taking these new discoveries and applying them to my relationship is easier said than done. I do not have "crumb blindness," I might go the other way and have something more akin to "crumb sensing" which I have to just accept. It's a mystery that people are monogamous considering these polar opposite attributes. I suppose one could argue, that is what makes us complete. One picks up where the other lacks.

So instead of stewing inwardly when my husband doesn't do something I feel should have OBVIOUSLY been done, I'll just have to remind myself that his brain doesn't work that way. And probably count to 10 and take deep breaths...