Parentood

I don't know how a whole week has gone by since my last post. It is reflective of my mental state for sure. I've avoided posting since all I'd want to do is complain about my lack of sleep, and wonder if there is any right answer to this parenting thing. I realize that I'm one of those parents who gives a detailed account of my day/night to people and I really need to catch myself and stop doing that. It's boring, I know. I just need some empathy I guess. I want the world to know I'm struggling, an understanding nod makes it all better. I'm not alone.

This week I discovered Etsy. I was well aware of it before, but I didn't have an iPod before, and so couldn't surf the net all day like I can now. I'd perused Etsy once or twice, but was always rushed. This site is one you need to really take your time with, and browse around. In the process of browsing I, of course, found something to spend money on. Now that I'm not working, I feel obligated to run most purchases by Alan, who never says no, but I feel obligated nonetheless. So I got a couple of really cute things for the kids.

On the topic of money, I'm finding the idea of being off work more and more comfortable. When I was off after Hannah was born, it was always temporary, and I never thought otherwise. This time, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be going back even before I was done working, which was two months before my son was even born. I did think that maybe I'd start to feel ready to go back in some ways, like I did with my daughter, but the opposite is happening. I suppose part of the reason for that is when I went back last time, I entered an extremely hostile environment. I had seniority and people were getting laid off, so I guess people figured I didn't deserve to retain seniority after a year off.

People are fickle. Your priorities sure change when you have kids. BC (before children) I would have made every effort to get those people to talk to me and sort stuff out, but as it was, I was content going in, putting in my hours and getting home to my family. I used to put weight in work relationships, but I found out the hard way how superficial they are. Not that I haven't made some really good friends from jobs, but it's easy to confuse a working relationship with a friendship. There was actually one girl I invited to our wedding who didn't come because it was her boyfriends birthday. I still didn't catch on until came back from mat. leave what exactly our friendship meant to her. (nothing)

I am a little more choosy about the company I keep now that I have more important things to think about. I actually quite enjoy it, it's liberating in a way. I used to spend time with people I didn't want to be around, feeling awkward, but too polite to ditch out. That is a thing of the past. Visiting anyone takes so much effort these days, we don't waste time being polite, we only ever see people we want to see. I love it. Kids are great as an excuse for not being able to make it to parties or dinners. Unfortunately that also means that sometimes we want to go out and aren't able to. You win some, you lose some I guess.

Overall I'm pretty content. More than I thought I ever would be actually. I'm glad, because Alan and I thought we were pretty content being DINKs (double income, no kids) and I wasn't completely sure about kids. I know we wouldn't have gone above and beyond to have babies. Despite the lack of sleep, the parenting disagreements, the diapers, etc, etc, I'm more at peace with life than I ever imagined I would be, and my life is more full than it could ever have been without my family. It's worth living frugally, not having any free time, constantly cleaning, sacrificing my body and sometimes a little of my mind. So I'll avoid posting on days where all I would do is give a detailed account of how many times I had to get up between 8pm and 8am. I'll try and stick to the bigger picture.

Until next time.